I will start with my dark dirty secret. An admission that might get me banned from the Autism Blogoshpere before I even begin.
When I was pregnant, I loved...I mean, carried with me everywhere and recommended to everyone type of loved...Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy.
Wait! Don't go! Hear me out!
-Let me first start by stating, in black and white: I don't think vaccines cause autism. I, like everyone else, have no solid evidence what causes it. I may have theories but they are just that, my theories. I'm already in this world so it really doesn't matter what the cause is anymore. My focus is now on just helping my son for the future.-
I was the first one in my group of friends to get pregnant. I had no one my age to relate to and most baby books were all about how wonderful pregnancy is and how amazing it was to grow this life inside you.
All good reading for most women, but my pregnancy sucked. I hated it. I had morning sickness that lasted 9 months. I was on crutches because my pelvis decided to started to separate early for some unknown reason. My husband and I were at each others throats. Even the milestones most women talk gleefully about I hated. When I first started feeling my son move in my belly it didn't feel like "butterflies" or "popcorn" as the froufrou books described. NoOOOoo. It felt like he was scraping my insides with a spoon like you would with a watermelon rind. I hated pregnancy!
Belly Laughs was the only book I found that I could relate to. It took the picture perfect view I kept seeing of pregnancy and re-posted it with no soft focus filter. I finally got someone who understood me and what I was going through. She talked candidly about all the things I needed to relate to. Constipation, hormone rages, greasy skin, Pregnancy isn't all kitten whiskers and unicorn farts and Jenny McCarthy was my best friend now for admitting it with me. So when she spoke about he son's autism I listened.
From the moment I found out I was having a boy I feared autism. It was the boogie man that slept under the crib. Every Autism Speaks commercial reminded me that I had a 1 in 68 chance of having a child that I would read about. They don't like physical touch, have no emotional connection and will never look people in the eye. That's what I thought all autism was. In my mind I imagined a child shaped shell...or a cat. My BFF Jenny's reveal when her son was diagnosed only added to my paranoia.
But Jenny said that when her son had the MMR vaccine she saw almost an immediate change. When The Boy got his shot I saw nothing, so we were good. The boogie man still followed me around quietly in my head though. I knew the Red Flags of Autism to watch for and I would go over them again and again throughout the first 3 years of my son's life, waiting for his personality to be taken away from me.
I checked them off one by one.
- Lack of eye contact - Nope he looks us in the eye
- Lack of pretend play - He pretends. Not a Game of Thrones detailed story line...but he pretends.
- Decreased response to adults - He responded to us and I could tell when he was intentionally ignoring to get into trouble.
- Not point to objects to show interest - He let me know every truck, car, bus, boat, bird, etc. we passed.
- Resists or avoid physical contact - Not this boy. He'll go up to complete strangers for a snuggle.
We made it to 4 years old and I was relieved. Whew. No check marks. No red flags. He remained the same awesome boy I loved. The boogie man had been defeated. No autism here. No sir-ree-bob. Man did we dodge a bullet. Just smooth sailing in the parenting seas from now on.
Obviously